Phyllis Diller
47 quotes
Biography
Phyllis Ada Diller was an American stand-up comedian, actress, author, musician and visual artist, noted for her eccentric stage persona, characterized by her self-deprecating humor, wild hair and clothes, and exaggerated, cackling laugh.
"Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight."
"A smile is a curve that sets everything straight."
"Housework won't kill you, but then again, why take the chance?"
"Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight."
"Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves."
"My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual."
"Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight."
"It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to the core."
"Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out."
"My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual."
"Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?"
"Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out."
"The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron."
"It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to the core."
"Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going."
"Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home."
"A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once."
"There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto."
"Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going."
"The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron."
"Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed."
"Our dog died from licking our wedding picture."
"The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public."
"Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from children."
"What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day."