Drink Quotes

"The only drink I like ice in is water, because you can’t water down water. I’m like that with love, too. Don’t you dare add any ice to the hot liquid loving I’m trying to pour all over you."

Jarod Kintz

"I want to gather up all the ink cartridges in the universe, because somewhere, mixed in with all that ink, is the next great American novel. And I’d love nothing more than to drink it."

Jarod Kintz

"I would pour you a glass of wine, but wouldn’t it be more romantic if you sipped it out of my armpit?"

Jarod Kintz

"Love flows like flowers, and grows like water. I’m so thirsty for romance I could drink a dozen roses."

Jarod Kintz

"Beer has that Olympic medal color,” Rot replied, “but does it have a winning taste? I’d hardly call silver a champion flavor. No, I’ll stick to my red wine."

Jarod Kintz

"Her love was like cigarette smoke stirred into coffee. I drank it so fast it made me cough, but she’s not offering a refill at any price."

Jarod Kintz

"I had a second friend come over to my house, and do you know what I called her? A refill. If relationships aren’t drinkable, why do we thirst for them so much?"

Jarod Kintz

"I drank her essence, and it’s like she never existed and now I’m thirsty again. Let this be a lesson in love."

Jarod Kintz

"I drank so much booze I was bamboozled. Alcohol makes my mind as discombobulated as love makes my heart. I’d sure appreciate it if you poured me a large glass of romance."

Jarod Kintz

"Snow is not microwave friendly. In fact, snow is not too friendly at all, unless you first buy it a few beers. Then it’s just downright slutty."

Jarod Kintz

"Love burns. Whiskey burns. George Burns. What do all three have in common? They’re all dead to me."

Jarod Kintz

"I like coffee tables. I’m into drinkable furniture."

Jarod Kintz

"I ordered a beer and then I ordered another beer, because why finish one when I can finish two? Having only one is great for love, but bad for beer."

Jarod Kintz

"Love is something to be treated with awe. Or should it be aww? People don’t know my capacity for love. If you tried to bottle it up, I’m sure it would take at least three thermoses to contain it. And if it did get contained, would you drink my love black, or would you add cream and sugar?"

Jarod Kintz

"I have liquid lips, and my kisses are smooth as wine. Why pour you a glass when you can drink from the bottle?"

Jarod Kintz

"She brews a bruise on my heart, and drinks it like a beer. She calls it love, but she would, because she’s drunk on my torment."

Jarod Kintz

"I dance so fluid you’d think I’m a fish. I don’t need to drink to be able to dance—I am the drink. Have a sip and find out for yourself."

Jarod Kintz

"I used the boos, and not the booze, as motivation. That led to applause, which I drank up like an alcoholic. I need a refill."

Jarod Kintz

"Networking is drinking the nectar of interconnectedness. And I’ve been drinking since noon, so I may need @ryanlilly to drive me home."

Jarod Kintz

"A can’t in a can—it’s carbonated failure that’s ready to drink. It tastes like the back half of love."

Jarod Kintz

"Go sip on gossip, and leave the coffee talk for me to chug. I’ll be in the kitchen, giggling like a schoolgirl if you need me."

Jarod Kintz

"The naked truth is anything but naked. But it will be soon enough, if I keep giving it alcohol."

Jarod Kintz

"I’d row a gondola like a column is not a row. My coffee may be cold, but my love is warm. When are you going to wake up and drink it?"

Jarod Kintz

"I just invented a device that eliminates vice. It looks like a bottle of booze, only it’s empty, because I just drank it."

Jarod Kintz

"Taking a break. Been working solid for the last few hours, as opposed to working liquid, which is more drinkable. Can I pour you a glass of productivity?"

Jarod Kintz

"I’m an all-the-water-I-can-drink-in-a-flower-vase kind of lover. Roses and batteries sold separately."

Jarod Kintz

"I drink coffee like steam is the ghost of dead water. Ever tried inhaling the afterlife?"

Jarod Kintz

"Relationships are like water. If you grab tight, clamping and clenching to gain control, you’ll lose it all. Instead, cup your hand gently, so she feels free to drink until her thirst is quenched."

Jarod Kintz

"At church, during communion, they give out free wine. Whoa! Talk about a great place to drink and meet women."

Jarod Kintz

"I coiled my empty straw wrapper around like a snake. Then I bit it before it could bite me. My love is as dangerous as my drinking habits."

Jarod Kintz

"Networking is more quality, and less quantity. It’s better to form a solid connection with one new person, than a liquid connection with ten. You don’t want people to think you drink too much."

Jarod Kintz

"Instead of a Lemonade Stand, I should open up a “You know what I can’t stand?” Stand. I’ll sell rants in small, medium, and large."

Jarod Kintz

"I love when my cat crushes his forehead into mine like my skull is an empty beer can. But it’s not—there’s still a sip left."

Jarod Kintz

"I was nervous. Like an ice cube, I just froze up. Then I melted in some strange guy’s drink."

Jarod Kintz

"Your personal brand should be like water: not only clear, but transparent to the public. People thirst for that, and they will drink you up."

Jarod Kintz

"I'm about to get my grind on. My coffee grind. Like a true hustler."

Jarod Kintz

"She likes her wine white, and that’s how I like my clam chowder. So chuggable!"

Jarod Kintz

"My cup is full of air. I should empty it and fill it with love. Or coffee, as the two are synonymous to me."

Jarod Kintz

"Ink is drinkable and printable. The words “I love you” don’t take up much space, but they can quench your thirst forever."

Jarod Kintz

"Water can be as hard as ice and as soft as fog, which is why my love is so drinkable, because it is fluid and forgiving. It's easy to love until there's nothing left. Eventually, the water runs out, the ice melts, and the fog fades into an abyss.-Jarod Kintz and Karen Quan"

Jarod Kintz

"My acquaintances aren’t worth the aqua I drink after they leave me thirsting for something more meaningful. I don’t want refillable relationships—I want connections so deep they are black abysses."

Jarod Kintz

"Water is translucent, but not invisible. But a glass half full is half translucent, half invisible, and you cannot drink what you cannot see, which may be why I am so thirsty for her love."

Jarod Kintz

"Let me just pause a minute and drink in this moment. And if you film it, I’ll be able to get free refills for life."

Jarod Kintz

"Hydrogenated and androgynous milky white love is all I have to offer you. Would you like me to pour it in your coffee, or directly into your soul?"

Jarod Kintz

"I like grape juice. Fermented grape juice—wine. It’s the drink of choice for champions. I know because I asked a bunch of winners."

Jarod Kintz

"Coffee can’t melt in the summer heat, and that’s what I like about liquid soap. Wake and Clean is my new product that combines both into one exciting new drink."

Jarod Kintz

"If I could convert books to wine, I’d start with The Grapes of Wrath. I’ve never read it, but maybe tonight I’ll be thirsty enough."

Jarod Kintz

"I drink like a fish, and I swim in my thirst. I’m so parched for her love that I think I may drown in my desire."

Jarod Kintz

"I drink to separate my body from my soul."

Oscar Wilde

"Vodka in the shape of a human body would be an excellent dancing partner. I'm a bring my own chaser kind of lover."

Jarod Kintz

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