Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Signing I Am America (And So Can You!), photo by David Shankbone (November 2007)
Born: 13 May 1964, Washington City
Biography from Wikipedia
Additional quotes from Wikiquote. Wikiquote entries are often "sourced" and may include items longer than those included here, particularly for poets, lyricists, and dramatists.
Stephen Colbert quotes:
Quotes found : 55 — (15 per page, this is page 1 of 4) 1 2 3 4 Next
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- Agnostics are just atheists without balls. permalink
Stephen Colbert - I Am America (And So Can You!) (2007) - All Dogs Go To Heaven? Sorry, kids. It's only the dogs who've accepted Christ. permalink
Stephen Colbert - I Am America (And So Can You!) (2007) - As excited as I am to be here with the president, I am appalled to be surrounded by the liberal media that is destroying America — with the exception of Fox News. Fox News gives you both sides of every story: the president's side, and the vice president's side. But the rest of you, what are you thinking, reporting on NSA wiretapping or secret prisons in eastern Europe? Those things are secret for a very important reason: they're super-depressing. And if that's your goal, well, misery accomplished. Over the last five years you people were so good — over tax cuts, WMD intelligence, the effect of global warming. permalink
Stephen Colbert - White House Correspondents' Association Dinner (29 April 2006) - Atheism, a religion dedicated to its own sense of smug superiority. permalink
Stephen Colbert - Baby carrots are making me gay. permalink
Stephen Colbert - I Am America (And So Can You!) (2007) - Before I get started, if anybody needs anything else at their tables, just speak slowly and clearly into your table numbers. Someone from the NSA will be right over with a cocktail. permalink
Stephen Colbert - White House Correspondents' Association Dinner (29 April 2006) - But you have one thing that may save you, and that is your youth. This is your great strength. It is also why I hate and fear you. Hear me out. It has been said that children are our future. But does that not also mean that we are their past? You are here to replace us. I don't understand why we're here helping and honoring [you]. You do not see union workers holding benefits for robots. permalink
Stephen Colbert - Knox College commencement address (3 June 2006) - Clearly, America has no shortage of metephorical opportunities for the poor. permalink
Stephen Colbert - I Am America (And So Can You!) (2007) - Don't be afraid to be a fool. Remember, you cannot be both young and wise. Young people who pretend to be wise to the ways of the world are mostly just cynics. Cynicism masquerades as wisdom, but it is the farthest thing from it. Because cynics don't learn anything. Because cynicism is a self-imposed blindness, a rejection of the world because we are afraid it will hurt us or disappoint us. Cynics always say no. But saying yes begins things. Saying yes is how things grow. Saying yes leads to knowledge. "Yes" is for young people. So for as long as you have the strength to, say yes. permalink
Stephen Colbert - Knox College commencement address (3 June 2006) - Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt. permalink
Stephen Colbert - The Colbert Report (12 November 2009) - Equations are the devil's sentences. permalink
Stephen Colbert - Get your own entry in an encyclopedia.... In the media age, everybody was famous for 15 minutes. In the Wikipedia age, everybody can be an expert in five minutes. Special bonus: You can edit your own entry to make yourself seem even smarter. permalink
Stephen Colbert - Wired (14 August 2006) - Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Give a man a sub-prime fish loan and you're in business, buddy. permalink
Stephen Colbert - The Colbert Report (14 May 2008) - Here's an easy way to figure out if you're in a cult:If you're wondering whether you're in a cult, the answer is yes. permalink
Stephen Colbert - I Am America (And So Can You!) (2007) - I believe in America. I believe it exists. My gut tells me I live there. I feel that it extends from the Atlantic to the Pacific, and I strongly believe it has 50 states. And I cannot wait to see how the Washington Post spins that one tomorrow. permalink
Stephen Colbert - White House Correspondents' Association Dinner (29 April 2006)
Quotes found : 55 — (15 per page, this is page 1 of 4) 1 2 3 4 Next
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