Milton Berle, 1908 - 2002
Publicity image (ca. 1950)
Born: 12 July 1908, New York City
Died: 27 March 2002, Los Angeles, California
Biography from Wikipedia
Additional quotes from Wikiquote. Wikiquote entries are "sourced" and may include items longer than those included here, particularly for poets, lyricists, and dramatists.
Milton Berle quotes:
Click here to find books by Milton Berle at Amazon.com
- A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours. permalink
quoted in news summaries (1 July 1954)
- A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking, "Are you comfortable?" The man answers, "I make a nice living." permalink
- A young man fills out an application for a job and does well until he gets to the last question, "Who should we notify in case of an accident?" He mulls it over and then writes, "Anybody in sight!" permalink
- Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies. permalink
- Bagel — A doughnut dipped in cement, a Jewish brass-knuckle. permalink
quoted in The Terre Haute Star (28 March 1958)
- Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name. permalink
- I feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor's sixth husband. I know what I'm supposed to do, but I don't know how to make it interesting. permalink
- I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are;
because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star.
I'd rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far;
for a might have-been has never been, but a has was once an are. permalink
- If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door. permalink
- Laughter is an instant vacation! permalink
quoted by Jack Runninger, "The Therapy of Laughter" in The Southern Journal of Optometry (July 1977)
- My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. permalink
- The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. That's why he's retiring. permalink
- They have a great new device for TV weathermen. It's called a window. permalink
- Who says we didn't have controversial subjects on TV back in my time? Remember Bonanza? It was about three guys in high heels living together. permalink
- You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think. permalink
Please report any problems on this page! If you see any typos, incorrect attributions, deformed characters, or any other problem with this page, we want to fix it as soon
as possible. Please click here to report errors.
Note: Do not use titles in author searches, we don't use them, including president, senator, prime minister, king, queen, saint, or doctor, or abbreviations thereof. See explanation here.