Lewis McDonald Grizzard, Jr, 1946 - 1994
Born: 20 October 1946, Fort Benning, Georgia
Died: 20 March 1994, Atlanta, Georgia
Biography from Wikipedia
Additional quotes from Wikiquote. Wikiquote entries are often "sourced" and may include items longer than those included here, particularly for poets, lyricists, and dramatists.
Lewis Grizzard quotes:
Quotes found : 50 — (15 per page, this is page 1 of 4) 1 2 3 4 Next
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- A kid knocked over my beer with a frisbee at the beach once. I threatened him with a lawsuit and then put this curse on him: 'May your voice never change and your zits win prizes at county fairs.' I hate it when somebody knocks over my beer at the beach. permalink
Lewis Grizzard - As best as I can tell, God was undefeated in all sports last year. Anybody who won thanked Him, and I never heard a single loser blame Him. permalink
Lewis Grizzard - Bad luck is meeting your date's father and realizing he's the pharmacist you bought condoms from that afternoon. permalink
Lewis Grizzard - Baptists never make love standing up. They're afraid someone might see them and think they're dancing. permalink
Lewis Grizzard - Being a newspaper columnist is like being married to a nymphomaniac. It's great for the first two weeks. permalink
Lewis Grizzard - Cookie pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking the cookie causes calorie leakage. permalink
Lewis Grizzard - First, we really don't care how you did it in Chicago. Second, if you miss it so much, Delta is ready when you are. permalink
Lewis Grizzard - Giving Northerners unbuttered instant grits is an old remedy for getting rid of tourists. permalink
Lewis Grizzard - How can I trust a bank to keep my money safe when it has dozens of pens stolen every day? permalink
Lewis Grizzard - I am convinced ginger ale can heal the sick and raise the dead. permalink
Lewis Grizzard - I am the only person in the history of Moreland, Georgia to ever be on the New York Times Best Seller List. I'm the only person in the history of Moreland, Georgia who ever heard of the New York Times Best Seller List. permalink
Lewis Grizzard - I don't have any out-of-body experiences. I had indeed seen a bright, beautiful light and had followed it, but it turned out to be a Kmart tire sale. permalink
Lewis Grizzard - I don't think I'll get married again. Every five years or so, I'll just find a woman I don't like and give her a house. permalink
Lewis Grizzard - I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married. permalink
Lewis Grizzard - I have it on good authority that Yankee men are so lazy they marry pregnant women. permalink
Lewis Grizzard
Quotes found : 50 — (15 per page, this is page 1 of 4) 1 2 3 4 Next
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