James Douglas Muir "Jay" Leno
Photo by Lee Stranahan (18 July 2008)
Jay Leno quotes:
Quotes found : 45 — (15 per page, this is page 3 of 3) Previous 1 2 3
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- Scientists are complaining that the new Dinosaur movie shows dinosaurs with lemurs, who didn't evolve for another million years. They're afraid the movie will give kids a mistaken impression. What about the fact that the dinosaurs are singing and dancing? permalink
Jay Leno - Scientists believe that monkeys can be taught to think, lie and even play politics within their community. If we can just teach them to cheat on their wives we can save millions on congressional salaries. permalink
Jay Leno - Stephen Hawking is getting a divorce. That's scary. If the smartest guy in the world can't figure out women, we're screwed. permalink
Jay Leno - monologue (20 October 2006) - The best way to ruin a comedy is to throw a lot of money at it. permalink
Jay Leno - The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. permalink
Jay Leno - The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver. permalink
Jay Leno - The Washington Bullets are changing their name. They don't want their team to be associated with crime. From now on, they'll just be known as the Bullets. permalink
Jay Leno - There's this big pie in show business, and you physically can't eat the whole pie. If you give everybody a slice of pie, you will still have more than enough. The real trick is not to try to get the whole pie, but to keep the biggest slice. permalink
Jay Leno - Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day! permalink
Jay Leno - With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance? permalink
Jay Leno - Women will soon be able to make their own sperm using their own bone marrow. Is that unbelievable? How unfair is that for us guys, huh? I mean, all these years, we've been in charge of manufacturing and distribution, you know what I'm saying? We provide free delivery and installation! permalink
Jay Leno - monologue (19 April 2007) - Worried about an IRS audit? Avoid what's called a red flag. That's something the IRS always looks for. For example, say you have some money left in your bank account after paying your taxes. That's a red flag. permalink
Jay Leno - You aren't famous until my mother has heard of you. permalink
Jay Leno - You cannot be mad at somebody who makes you laugh - it's as simple as that. permalink
Jay Leno - Women's World (4 July 2006) - You know who must be very secure in their masculinity? Male ladybugs. permalink
Jay Leno
Quotes found : 45 — (15 per page, this is page 3 of 3) Previous 1 2 3
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